Sent a text to my mom today because I suddenly felt grateful for the things my parents have done for me. Since I don't write things until I really feel like it, I guess it's okay to make a conclusion that I'm beginning to miss my life outside only now, when things have finally settled down in school. Life is much less happening, and the space I get in my room now is awesome. There are pictures of people on the wall.

I'm just afraid that there are things happening outside this comfort zone, and that I'm not invited and will not be invited in the future once I step out of it for a while. Life outside is so tiring and draining, trying to seek validation from others is draining, yet the thirst for it remains.

For now, in this new place, I feel like my need to be with people does not feel genuine, that I be with them not because I genuinely like people, but because I yearn for a feeling of acceptance. But then again, what does "genuinely liking people" mean?

Maybe I need to be alone for a little while more to get used to it again, or visit people who have existed from some time ago. I can count two people I really like being with, and two more I care alot about. I do wish I can let new people in more easily. But I suppose it's okay since it's only been two months.